I have a faulty memory (which is weird to say considering I can recall exact dates of life events and almost every line of The Princess Bride). This memory has holes in it. Despite the preponderance of evidence showing God as good and faithful in every believer's life, I have the darndest time remembering God's faithfulness, everytime a new trial arrises.
I can, and should, look back and see specific and general instances where God has guided, protected, loved, disciplined and cared for me and yet in the face of this new situation I forget and then worry, fear and sadness creep in. It's made even tougher when I dwell on my lack of faithfulness. I run the risk of feeling condemned and unworthy when I see this as a response to my unfaithful actions. Jen Smidt has summed it perfectly when she says, "When my focus is on my faithfulness (or lack thereof), I begin to believe that God must be far off – that I somehow shook him off in my wanderings."
God has promised he will never leave believers. Psalm 139 is full of the promises of a faithful God. "You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me." I cannot escape His love, despite how I feel about my own faithfulness, or lack thereof.
"Embracing God’s faithfulness to himself frees us from the devastating effects of thinking we have anything to do with the way he sees us. God sees his children through the atoning blood of his Son, covering us for every act of treason and rebellion we have committed. He isn’t faithful to us because of anything we have done well or poorly. He wouldn’t be faithful to us if he was looking for us to uphold our end of the bargain."
So here I am: praying that I can daily/hourly/minutely remind myself that God is not a witholding parent who's own faithfulness is based my own. He has brought me through before, and will again and that brings a peace that passes all understanding.
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